I would be the first one to admit, religion, spirituality, and philosophy left a sour taste in my mouth. That most religion is a way to control. Spirituality is made-up, and philosophy often leaves us wondering, what do we actually do? And now I often stop and think, why yoga?
Religion was never my thing, having tried it multiple times from several vantage points. I must admit, I never focused very long on any given teaching. I also had never faced desperation, the dark night of the soul or rock bottom until I found yoga. I had tried yoga several times before, thinking it was mostly an odd and difficult exercise routine, having never realized the philosophy behind the movements. Early on, my philosophical discoveries left me in an absurd realm of meaninglessness. Trying to assimilate my experiences with my knowledge and social structures, I got fundamentally lost. So, fundamentally lost, I could hardly tell right from wrong.
The metaphors of religion never really spoke to me. It already seemed clear to be a good person, don’t steal or kill. I didn’t need poetry to tell me that. I already enjoyed solitude, so the isolation of monks always seemed to call. Why go to the ashram when I can step into nature? On top of all of these beliefs I held, my father made his position quite clear amongst all these beliefs. It’s a bunch of bullshit. I agreed. And many parts of this, I still believe to this day. One day though, my rigid beliefs came crumbling down and I needed to figure something out.
When you can hardly tell right from wrong, and every action you take to help only hurts and every action that hurts is the only solution that helps, the world is backwards and confusion ensues. Lost inside addiction, lost inside meaningless despair, lost far away from connection, my life had become a washing machine of turmoil. Wash, rinse, suffer repeat. I stumbled my way into a clearing and that's when I found yoga.
Yoga is a path. Devoted series of steps to get you closer to your true self. Union with your life. Yoga Sutra 1:1 From Patanjali: Yoga begins Now.
I woke up inside of a meditation that shook me alive. I had not felt so alive, and this drive from inside of me was unleashed. Something that could bring me this kind of motivation outside of drugs was unheard of, yoga blew me open. No words uttered by a priest, no experiences from drugs, nothing I understood had ever acted upon me in this way. Yoga as I understood it, up until that point had never acted upon me this way. I was driven to action, powerfully motivated. Then and there, a series of events cascaded forth from me and yoga has come right alongside.
Yoga is an enmeshment of a series of practices ranging in purpose, design and action. I had never thought of gratitude as a practice, or emotional regulation as a practice until I found yoga. Even then, it took time for the idea of life as a practice to really sink in. We can practice being more peaceful, which is the first practice of yoga, Ahimsa. We can more deliberately choose our values and act accordingly, Tapas, another philosophical and spiritual practice in yoga. As my attention to yoga increased, the more I realize that yoga has fit into so many areas of my life that nothing has ever quite done. I use breath work to develop focus and to increase physical capacity. I use surrender to spiritually guide me and as metaphor to empower relaxation. Truthfully, yoga has helped me understand the mythology of religion and I appreciate the symbols. Yoga helps me be more alive in the present, and more wise to the future, having let go of the past.
If you can find something in your life, that sparks life itself, don’t let go. For me, yoga is the torch which lights my way towards a happy death. Yoga has created meaning and understanding in my life, while giving me real practices as a foundation to build. Maybe I was just ripe for the picking in terms of finding spirituality or maybe yoga has something wonderful to offer. Either way, the invitation is open. Yoga could be the thing that sparks your life, and ignites your soul.
Comentarios